my therapist hates my FYP
On how therapy speak become a mental health challenge.
“What made you get a diagnosis?” Last week, my therapist asked me. “Probably some reel on Instagram,” I told her.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD for over four years now, and she is the second therapist I am working with. My ADHD shows up in bizarre ways. At work. In my relationships. While trying to publish this newsletter consistently.
Every day, I fight with the feudal lords in my frontal lobe to grant me enough dopamine to let me live a normal life. Mostly, they refuse. Sometimes, they comply.
I don’t remember the creator whose content led me to eventually get the official diagnosis and, more importantly, the clinical help I needed to manage my ADHD, but I am very thankful to her. Otherwise, I probably would still be blaming myself for being a lazy bum who just can’t get anything done. And because of my experience, I am a huge fan of mental health awareness content. And so are many therapists.
Social media has definitely made mental health language more accessible. But lately, therapists are noticing a steep increase in clients walking into the office convinced that they have a certain mental health disorder.
Traditionally, we used to enter therapy feeling overwhelmed, confused, and looking for help unpacking our emotional state. Today, clients often arrive armed with a comprehensive, self-administered psychological dossier. For instance, they don’t say, “I’m terrified my partner is going to leave me.” They say, “I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, and my nervous system is dysregulated.”
Ruchi Ruuh, a relationship therapist based in Delhi, India, puts this into perspective. “Sometimes, these observations are partially accurate. But often, people misdiagnose themselves or trivialise complex mental issues based on short-form content. For many, sometimes even the smallest thing looks like a proper mental health condition.”
Social media content simplifies complex psychological conditions and many symptoms that overlap across diagnoses. Oftentimes, this leads to individuals strongly identifying with a diagnosis to the point that it becomes part of their identity rather than a framework for understanding and healing. In those cases, the focus can shift away from growth and toward reinforcing a fixed narrative about who they are and what they are capable of changing.
For instance, look at this reel that says “I used to pride myself over the fact that I could consume coffee at any time of the day and still fall asleep or take a nap almost instantaneously right after, and others around me didn’t possess this ‘superpower’… which made me feel unique and special. Only to find out today that this is a sign of undiagnosed neurodivergence.”
The top comment under this reel says, “Undiagnosed and plan to remain this way.”
Now, there is anecdotal evidence from neurodivergent folks that coffee doesn’t make them feel sleepy. Does that mean all those who can take a nap after drinking coffee are neurodivergent? No. There can be a hundred different reasons your body has a higher tolerance to stimulants like coffee. But naunce isn’t relatable or reactionary and doesn’t get clicks and comments.
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See, I grew up on 2010s Tumblr. Long before TikTok creators were making infographics about executive dysfunction, sad girl Tumblr was curating grayscale mood boards overlaid with Sylvia Plath quotes and Lana Del Rey lyrics. It was the era of algorithmically and socially rewarding the performance of mental anguish.
In the 2020s, we have transitioned from romanticising the symptom to romanticising the diagnosis itself. It is a real survival mechanism. If your inability to answer emails or maintain friendships is not because you just can’t do it due to some unexplained reason, but the biological reality of a dysregulated nervous system, you are finally granted permission to rest.
Christa Surerus, a clinical counsellor based in Minnesota, US, explains this phenomenon with another example: “When someone struggling with depression respond to encouragement toward behavioural activation or finding moments of connection by saying, ‘You should know that depressed people can’t feel joy,’ the diagnosis is being used less as a tool for understanding and more as a defence against examining possibilities for change or growth.”
I mean, I get it. When you are told you have to do a hundred different maxxings to have a fulfilling life — looksmaxx, aimaxx, tastemaxx, productivitymaxx, whimsymaxx, and whatnot maxx — there is a high urge to claim a label that permits you to grant yourself some grace. The unfortunate reality is that in the process of finding permission to be kinder to ourselves, we weaponise the same vocabulary to deny that grace to the people around us; that is, the very same community that would have made our lives easier.
For instance, Ivy Ellis, a mental health therapist based in Evanston, US, recollects a client who used to describe a colleague’s behaviour at work as gaslighting, which allowed the client to avoid their own role in the dynamic. “I gently pushed back by offering psychoeducation about gaslighting and encouraged the client to focus on what is within their control: their own emotional responses, boundaries, and communication,” she says.
If you are with me till here, may I invite you to read Lindey Louise’s No, Therapy is NOT For Everyone, Sorry!!! She makes a great case for how widespread therapy use (and I add as an extension, therapy speak) makes us horrible friends.
Weaponising therapy speak to remove the small frictions of everyday conflict, and the barrier of showing up is not going to protect your inner peace. It will just isolate you from the people who show up for you and want you to show up for them, until all that’s left is a strange loneliness you call inner peace.
While mental health content on social media can act as a form of validation for your life struggles, and might be a valuable starting point for you to access the help you may need at times, the widespread use of therapy speak is not helping anyone. At best, it makes it difficult for your therapist to help you. At worst, it acts as a crutch for you not to make any meaningful changes in your life or show up for your community.