Perfect start to my day of reading. I really love your work, Abha, and how much it challenges me to think more critically. I read this piece with the eyes of my 14-year-old self. She needed to hear it. Will be thinking about this one for some time to come
the margaret atwood quote!!!! I nodded so hard, I have a love-hate relationship with that quote (love how accurate it is, hate how i’m now haunted by it almost everyday since reading it). but this piece is so reassuring, that it’s possible to kill the man inside your head, or at least have him lay dormant. it’s such a tough battle, even accepting that he’s there has not been easy. thank you for sharing, it feels like a hug🫶🏽
Meet the people "inside" your head. I wrote about the 8 archetypes inside our mind based on the cognitive theory by Carl Jung and I can't help but resonate with your framing of "the man inside your head". https://chusana.substack.com/p/inside-our-minds-via-the-8-cognitive
Supposedly, there is the hero (your most dominant trait), parent, child, infant - these archetypes operate in the conscious so you are aware of them. Then there's the nemesis, critic, trickers and demon inside the unconscious.
I realised that I have lots of critical voices coming out when I'm most down. Ironically, for my experience, it wasn't mens voice but my own mother criticising me.
This is breathtaking Abha. I wrote about this a bit, but you nailed it on the head. I am killing him a lot lately, and this is helping. I am so grateful you wrote this.
As a man, how can we understand women better without contributing to that inner voice? I love uplifting people and encouraging them to live freely without worry of what another person will think. I'd like to do it more often without coming off the wrong way. Any tips?
While this isn't exactly a novel take on patriarchy and internalized misogyny, it was beautifully written and a nice reminder of the faulty thought patterns many women keep having. But it made me think that the man in my head must have left a while ago. Then it made me wonder if I ever had a man in there. Then it made me consider that I think I have a woman in there. I think a lot of people have a woman in there instead of a man. A lot of people may disagree with that but for me it reframes a lot of things in a more hopeful light.
I'm guessing the mysogynistic man living in your head has been put there by all the misogynistic men you've encountered in your life. I honestly don't believe every man is like that, although I'm shocked by how many climb out of their sewers on social media. I'm glad you have other women who support and encourage you. Friendships with members of our own gender are blessed gifts.
Love this!!! Would love to think about how sometimes the man in my head is a woman? I fear that in my head is actually a woman who has or had a man in her head. How the women who value and subscribe to the male gaze make me feel? Or maybe just my mom when she told me I should get a body wax when I complained about boys not liking me (she’s changed since then and i was steadfast in my rejection of that)
Very well written and insightful prose, bravo. More men need to know what it's like to be a woman, in such eloquent terms is a bonus.
I am a man with a woman in my head, it's my Mom internalized. What it actually is though is my own ego. It can't die, then I wouldl also. But it sure can be made to sit down, shut up, and let the adults in the room do the talking.
I loved your questionable approach! I have wanted to name the voice in my head, which always judges other women regardless. I want him dead, but as you said it's not easy. I also think the purest form of friendship is between women. thank you for this essay.
I used that Atwood quote in my final assignment at university and was told to be careful not to get too radical. I’m glad I kept it in and made the project even more radical. Felt like that was when I started to kill the man in my head. This is a great piece.
Perfect start to my day of reading. I really love your work, Abha, and how much it challenges me to think more critically. I read this piece with the eyes of my 14-year-old self. She needed to hear it. Will be thinking about this one for some time to come
Thank you for your kind words, Amal. This was a cathartic piece to write. I am glad I could make you think.
The man in my might also mostly be a woman (mom) who still has a man in her head.
UGH
real
I THOUGHT THE SAME THING
coooook
the margaret atwood quote!!!! I nodded so hard, I have a love-hate relationship with that quote (love how accurate it is, hate how i’m now haunted by it almost everyday since reading it). but this piece is so reassuring, that it’s possible to kill the man inside your head, or at least have him lay dormant. it’s such a tough battle, even accepting that he’s there has not been easy. thank you for sharing, it feels like a hug🫶🏽
sending more virtual hugs way. you can do it. i believe in you.
"My grandmother explains to me that without the man inside her head, she will lose her way, culture will crumble, and society will collapse."
oh my goodness, this hit me like a truck
same, a real masterpiece it is!
Meet the people "inside" your head. I wrote about the 8 archetypes inside our mind based on the cognitive theory by Carl Jung and I can't help but resonate with your framing of "the man inside your head". https://chusana.substack.com/p/inside-our-minds-via-the-8-cognitive
Supposedly, there is the hero (your most dominant trait), parent, child, infant - these archetypes operate in the conscious so you are aware of them. Then there's the nemesis, critic, trickers and demon inside the unconscious.
I realised that I have lots of critical voices coming out when I'm most down. Ironically, for my experience, it wasn't mens voice but my own mother criticising me.
Interesting. I'll look into it
Jung is the OG and there is a newer idea called IFS. It's about diff parts of our psyche protecting us (exiles, managers, and firefighters). It's pretty cool https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internal_Family_Systems_Model
This is breathtaking Abha. I wrote about this a bit, but you nailed it on the head. I am killing him a lot lately, and this is helping. I am so grateful you wrote this.
Thank you for your kind words. More power to you.
I fear the man inside my head is also my dad…
Oh definitely. I thought of him too.
As a man, how can we understand women better without contributing to that inner voice? I love uplifting people and encouraging them to live freely without worry of what another person will think. I'd like to do it more often without coming off the wrong way. Any tips?
While this isn't exactly a novel take on patriarchy and internalized misogyny, it was beautifully written and a nice reminder of the faulty thought patterns many women keep having. But it made me think that the man in my head must have left a while ago. Then it made me wonder if I ever had a man in there. Then it made me consider that I think I have a woman in there. I think a lot of people have a woman in there instead of a man. A lot of people may disagree with that but for me it reframes a lot of things in a more hopeful light.
you have a really interesting way of writing, i really enjoy listening to your way of thinking :)
i think the man in my head is actually my mom??????
loved reading this < 3
Absolutely for me. But I know she has her own as well. It doesn’t make it easier to forgive
that atwood quote haunts me everyday
so reall
I'm guessing the mysogynistic man living in your head has been put there by all the misogynistic men you've encountered in your life. I honestly don't believe every man is like that, although I'm shocked by how many climb out of their sewers on social media. I'm glad you have other women who support and encourage you. Friendships with members of our own gender are blessed gifts.
Love this!!! Would love to think about how sometimes the man in my head is a woman? I fear that in my head is actually a woman who has or had a man in her head. How the women who value and subscribe to the male gaze make me feel? Or maybe just my mom when she told me I should get a body wax when I complained about boys not liking me (she’s changed since then and i was steadfast in my rejection of that)
i love how vulnerable and authentic this comment is. thank you for sharing your story!
Very well written and insightful prose, bravo. More men need to know what it's like to be a woman, in such eloquent terms is a bonus.
I am a man with a woman in my head, it's my Mom internalized. What it actually is though is my own ego. It can't die, then I wouldl also. But it sure can be made to sit down, shut up, and let the adults in the room do the talking.
I loved your questionable approach! I have wanted to name the voice in my head, which always judges other women regardless. I want him dead, but as you said it's not easy. I also think the purest form of friendship is between women. thank you for this essay.
I used that Atwood quote in my final assignment at university and was told to be careful not to get too radical. I’m glad I kept it in and made the project even more radical. Felt like that was when I started to kill the man in my head. This is a great piece.